An Initially Confusing Miracle of Healing

Trust.

That was the word that came to mind from God as my “word for the year.”  Instead of a New Year’s resolution, many women are starting to choose one word from God to pay attention to for the year.  Last year the word for me was "rest."  At the time I didn’t see how rest could be possible given our circumstances, but looking back, it is clear that was the Lord’s word for me, and He allowed it to come to fruition.

Trust.

It's a dangerous word.  I am prone to anxiety and wanting to control things.  Submitting all trust to Him in times of unknowns is hard.  I knew that submitting to the word “trust” would mean big challenges ahead.  And here we are, just starting our second month of the year, and already it is obvious that this is the Lord’s word for me this year.

I have always said I will have more than one child no matter what that takes.  Although this pregnancy occurred with different timing than we anticipated, we easily put our trust in God that it was His timing. 

Then at 7 weeks along, I thought for sure I was going to miscarry.  I wasn’t completely surprised since I requested and received the live Japanese Encephalitis vaccine very early in pregnancy before I knew I was pregnant, a big no-no.  But baby stayed inside and kept growing.

At 12 weeks it seemed that I would develop diabetes of pregnancy again.  And I have.  I started making dietary changes, but the majority of our food in Nepal is carbohydrate-heavy.  At 18 weeks, my glucometer arrived in the mail and revealed that my sugars, indeed, are hard to control here. 

Also at 18 weeks we got a standard ultrasound to look at baby’s anatomy.  Baby looked fine although the legs were closed so we still didn’t know the sex.  My placenta, however, wrapped from one side of the uterus, across the os (the exit out of the uterus) and to the other side of the uterus.  This is called a complete placenta previa.  90% of these spontaneously resolve and cause no problems.  Based on how "complete" mine looked, however, it seemed guaranteed not to resolve. 

That gave me three risk factors for early delivery: history of Jack’s early delivery, gestational diabetes, and placenta previa.  Plus a risk for hemorrhaging from the previa, especially since I started having early contractions at 20 weeks.  All in a place that cannot provide quality care for early babies regardless of the level of expertise of our doctors. 

Normally a repeat ultrasound is done at 32 weeks to look again at the placenta, but waiting that long would not allow us time to fly out of Nepal if necessary.  Plus the baby could arrive earlier than that, which would almost certainly mean a baby that would die if delivered here.

Trust.

We decided to repeat the ultrasound in one month to look at the placenta.  We prayed for resolution of the previa.  I told God that, if He removed the previa, we would stay in Nepal; otherwise, we would fly back to the US.  The closer we got to the ultrasound date, the more I regretted that promise, feeling more and more anxious about staying in Nepal given the other complications present in this pregnancy.  I prayed that God would give us a very clear answer on whether to stay in Nepal or leave.  I figured this answer would arrive based on how the previa appeared on ultrasound.  In the meantime, there were many other stressors present at work.  Although Jack began sleeping better, my sleep was still fleeting.

Finally, the day of the ultrasound arrived.  Baby’s legs were uncrossed and seemed to show a baby girl!  Although we don’t do the most accurate type of ultrasound here for previa, the ultrasound also seemed to show complete resolution of the previa.  Truly this is a miracle based on how the first ultrasound looked and the fact that we repeated the ultrasound much earlier than is recommended.  

I knew I should feel grateful having seen evidence of God’s miraculous power, but mostly I just felt frustrated and confused.  If this was His “clear” answer that we were to stay, why was I feeling so unsettled?  Or if this was His way of giving us the choice to make on our own, why was He giving us a choice when I had so clearly asked Him for a clear answer?

Tim and I had lunch and shared our confusion, neither of us feeling at peace about staying or going.

That afternoon I received a phone call from our hospital director.  When applying for renewal of my medical license, the Nepal Medical Council denied it based on a brand new rule: only the primary visa holder can receive a medical license.  Since Tim is now the visa holder, something we have all prayed so fervently for, I will not be granted a medical license.  This means I cannot work as a physician—for now—in Nepal unless I become the primary visa holder and work full time.  It was already abundantly clear to us last year that our family cannot thrive with me working full time by our hospital's standards here.  But for us to stay here, we must meet our (fantastic) sending organization's requirement that I work at least part time as a physician.

So, a clear answer!  And a wave of emotions from me.  Not only was God kind enough to remove the previa, a big danger, but He also gave us a clear decision that we need to leave Nepal now.  I had limited Him to how He could help us, but He went beyond my requests and imagination to be even kinder that I had expected.

Trust.

So now we are returning to the US without jobs, incomes, health insurance, a home, a car, a known doctor, nor any answers about the future and what it holds for us.

But clearly we can trust in the Lord and His faithfulness.  This journey through Nepal has been full of unexpected twists with surprises around each corner.  Here we are, bending around another surprise curve but still held in the Lord’s faithful hands.